Lifechanging Books #2 - Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

I was very lucky for many years since starting my education career back in 2011 (my gosh…) that I fell

into roles that were good fits for me and still had me do work that made a difference in the lives of students.  But at some point, I started to realize I didn’t like where my career was going and was in a place of few options.  I didn’t know what to do. 

I actually don’t remember who recommended reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, but that book truly changed my life just with a few quotes.  I went from paralysis to starting to think through the future that I wanted, after having previously lived by reacting to whatever came to me in life.

Covey says in the forward, “Could there be something I need to see in a deeper, more fundamental way - some paradigm within myself that affects the way I see my time, my life, and my own nature?”  

The answer to that question was “Absolutely yes!”.  In this post, I’ll go into the beginning of the book and the first Habit:  Be Proactive.

Habits Defined

This section starts with 2 quotes:  

• “We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” - Aristotle

• “Our character, basically, is a composite of our habits.  ‘Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny’, the maxim goes.”  - Covey

Covey puts this section first because he recognizes that our ability to live the lives we want (i.e. “live effectively”) comes down to our habits and character.  For more on habits, read my blog post here!  

Effectiveness Defined 

Covey states: “Effectiveness lies in the balance - what I call the P/PC Balance.  P stands for production of desired [results], and PC stands for production capability, the ability or asset that produces the results.”  Each of us has to develop both, not too much of one or the other.  

As work gets increasingly caught up in our VUCA (volatile, unpredictable, complex, ambiguous) world, we must learn alongside producing.  We will have less separation than ever between learning and work, and our learning must be applied immediately to our challenges.  

Review of the Habits

In this blog post, I’ll only focus on “Private Victory” Habit 1:  Be Proactive.    

Here’s why:  “The net effect of opening the ‘gate of change’ to the first three habits…will be significantly increased self-confidence…you will come to know yourself in a deeper, more meaningful way - your nature, your deepest values, and your unique contribution capacity.  As you live your values, your sense of identity, integrity, control, and inner-directedness will infuse you with both exhilaration and peace.  You will define yourself from within, rather than by people’s opinions or by comparisons to others.”

Habit 1: Be Proactive

Being proactive is two-fold: firstly, recognizing that you are responsible for your life, and secondly, transitioning from reacting to external circumstances to actively shaping yourself and your situation.  

The first ingredient is recognizing we have agency over our lives (more than we realize).  

Being proactive means first understanding that while we have influences in our lives, they do not control us.  We are subject to forces beyond our control that determine the direction of our lives.  

“There are actually three theories of determinism widely accepted, independently or in combination, to determine the nature of man.  Genetic determinism basically says your grandparents did it to you… Psychic determinism basically says your parents did it to you.  Your upbringing, your childhood experience…Environmental determinism basically says your boss is doing it to you, or your spouse…or your economic situation, or national policies…the basic idea is that we are conditioned to respond in a particular way to a particular stimulus.” 

Fortunately, that conditioning is not destiny.  

Covey shares the inspiring example of Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist and a Jew in a Nazi concentration camp, who realized that he had no control over anything external to him - where he slept, what he ate, who he was with, what he could say.  But he realized, “he could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him.” 

And he used that freedom to help his fellow prisoners make meaning and the most out of their horrible experiences.  

He discovered:  “Between stimulus and response, man has the freedom to choose.”  

Defining Proactivity

“The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the proactive person.  Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment.  Proactive people are driven by values - carefully thought about, selected, and internalized values.”

It’s not easy to choose to be a proactive person.  

When I was living in LA, rooming with 2 of my closest friends, I had a great, comfortable life.  We had our routine, work was good, being paid a decent salary, generally enjoyed the balance I wanted.  I could have settled into that life and coasted.  

I knew I wanted more, but don’t we all?  I just knew that it would take sacrifice and risk - an investment, a new vision, and a lot of hard work.  I decided that I valued a life of excitement, inspiration and challenge, even if that means a harder road ahead.   

Take the initiative / Act or Be Acted Upon

“Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them.”  

We use language that unwittingly shows we are not being proactive:  “I ‘have’ to go”... "She ‘made’ me angry”... "Sorry, traffic”... "If only I had more time…”.  

Covey references that we have to first take responsibility, and then realize that we can actually expand our locus of control (“circle of influence”) to be able to influence the results in our lives more.  See the picture here.  

He also mentions that “one way to determine which circle our concern is in is to distinguish between the have’s and the be’s.”  Things that we “need to have” are things we are concerned with, but perhaps don’t have immediate control over - “I’ll be happy when I have my house paid off”.  But what’s in our influence is filled with be’s - I can be more patient, be more kind, be more loving.  

“The proactive approach is to change from the inside-out: to be different, and by being different, to effective positive change in what’s out there…if I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control - myself.” 

Making and Keeping Commitments

“The commitments we make to ourselves and to others, and our integrity to those commitments, is the essence and clearest manifestation of our proactivity.” Covey mic drop.  I cannot agree more, that living in integrity with our word is one of the most proactive things we can do - because our word creates our world, and if we just keep to our word, we can create the world we want.  

Covey continues: “[Making commitments] is also the essence of our growth…making promises, setting goals, and being true to them - we build the strength of character, the being, that makes possible every other positive in our lives.  It is here that we find two ways to put ourselves in control of our lives immediately.  We can make a promise - and keep it.  Or we can set a goal - and work to achieve it.  

As we make and keep commitments, even small commitments, we begin to establish an inner integrity that gives us the awareness of self-control and the courage and strength to accept more of the responsibility for our own lives.”  

Proactivity Example

A clear example I’ve seen with many clients recently is how people often approach the job search.  A common approach is to look for jobs on LinkedIn or some other job site that best matches their resume.  The consequences of this approach are two-fold:  first, you are not spending time thinking through what you want in advance; and second, you are limiting the sandbox you can play in to just the jobs that are listed on job websites. 

A “proactive” approach would first be to define very clearly what you want in your job, from many different angles (type of work, type of company, work arrangements, compensation/benefits), and think through how important the criteria are to you when negotiating.  

A proactive approach would then understand that to get what you want, you need to shape and expand the sandbox.  How would you do that?  By boosting your public profile on LinkedIn or your website; by networking at industry events, with people at your target companies, and your alumni association; by building skills that those companies want.  

Is this more work?  Yes, but does it result in better results?  Also yes.

Closing

Thinking “proactively” is thinking about how you can shape the world to get what you want - it’s how you expand your locus of control, and therefore, also expand your sense of responsibility for how your life is going.  It’s a lot!  But anything worth having is worth working for, right?!   

Reflection Questions:  On a scale of 1-5, (1 = Very reactive, 5 = Very proactive), how proactive would you say you are?  How has this played out in your life? What difference could it make to be more proactive?

For Learning and With Love,

Chris